Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I'm just a fcuking loser in the world who needs a sense of security.
urgh, i wanna cry~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my freaking mobile broadband is dying on me, on this smaller FCUKING ACER.
it totally went haywire after it recovered from a 'crashed system'
T.T...guess i've have to bring the bigger acer to office then.
forget it, let's just sum up everything, even if Acer is not the problem, Windows is so fcuked up.
URGH, WHERE'S MY MACBOOK/MAC OS????
did i mention how much my LG Cookie pisses me too? now, this piece of shit is done too, i've enough of the handwriting thing and i hate the typing too..
just blame me for getting so used to typing with ipod....
URGH, WHERE'S MY IPHONE???
now, i really regret not getting an iPhone that my bio-dad wanted to get me instead of this ipod.
who the hell is he now anyway? totally representative of at least 80% of the men out there, fcukers.
men ill-treat their first family, and totally stuck up in their second marriage, are total wimps.
by the way, is the end of the world coming? has anyone counted how many disasters there are already in this year of 2009?
God, please forget us all sinners. Amen.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
i've slept so much yet im still so tired...
wanted to cook dinner tonight but the plans were crashed.
but still, we ended up very full...
gonna sleep soon, will be at the office tmr by 11am, so that michelle can pass me money.
considering for mac breakfast. HAHA.
Friday, September 25, 2009
slept at 530 this morning.....after i bathed, washing the hair dye away.
now, you can call me cheng thai lian, a thai ah lian.
i mean my hair colour is kinda ok, but i dun think it suits me.
woke at 9 and went to the airport. said byebye and took mrt to clementi to take bus to come to office.
so im now in the office, alone, with the lights on and door locked.
so many things i have to do, but im really tired now.
rules for me:
no going out at all.
come to office everyday.
only sec school friends allowed to visit me in office(totally WTF)
she thinks im 3, making everyone to spot check me in the office as if i were to do anything wrong.god.
in the meanwhile, i gotta freaking entertain her people..
Thursday, September 24, 2009
going blind now, after reading lots of crap online.
totally craving for South Canteen milk tea cos the one im having now is poop.
going to the toilet now for a break, and then i will sort of the errands and work i have.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Sin Lee Bakery, Dover Road, Clementi Central.
packing and looking at those mooncakes, makes me think back of those days.
i remember how i used to stand in at the cashier and serve the customers, this was during primary school days. everyday facing tons and tons of bread and cakes. and those CNY goodies.
those days are gone. i loved working at the family bakery, waking up as 5am and off to the bakery, sleeping in my school uniform till 1030am, then rush across the road to attend school for the afternoon session, and rushing over the road in the afternoon to be the cashier while attending morning session.
never felt sick facing and eating those donuts and bread and cake, and sneaking into the cake room to steal chocolate cream. and over the years, it caused me to be very, very picky about eating bread and cakes from other places. ours were the best, the best materials, everything handmade, unlike bakery these days.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
AL- Things I'll Never Say.
back from bangkok, tired~~~~...
in the end, i didnt go swimming anyday cos i was either too tired or having hangover from drinking.HAHA.
this trip was 'rushy'... too tired to enjoy anything.
and with the fact that being stucked in a place with the wrong group of people at the wrong timing, everything doesnt get better.
but at least flying SQ was stable, it can get better. i was sitting alone for both flights, with a british man to bangkok, and an american back to singapore. enjoyed my time in the plane the most, not about the men(come on, i dun go for men anymore), it's about being alone. gladly, no riots in our area on saturday, instead came HEAVY. HEAVY rain, causing FLOOD.
no rest, im back in the office today. mummy's flying off on friday and will only be back about mid october. in the meanwhile, im going back to study, and take care of the office. boring and tiring. going to school every morning and going to the office in the afternoon is gonna be my routine. i so wish anyone would just come and acc me in the office, gonna be so lonely.
Friday, September 18, 2009
using the computer in T2, freako Wifi cant work on my ipod today...
how i wish im flying with my friends, it would be so much better.
so anyway, im just talking cock here since there is still time till boarding.
Weeee~~~~
Selamat Hari Raya in advance!!!!!
in about 12 hours time, i'll be on the plane SQ976.
im very very tired, my back and legs dont feel like they are mine.
in the next few days, i'll be out of internet, unless otherwise.
a break, that doesnt feel like a break.
will be like busy with shopping and eating. :D
and im gonna make it a point to swim in the morning before breakfast.
since the pool is just next to the hotel cafe. definitely not in my crazy 'wonderwoman colored' bs i wore with bel the previous time i was there. even if she can put it on fb this time round.
and as usual, im pissed with everything at home. urgh.
see you guys on monday! i should have already touch down by late afternoon, and will be at clementi woods park Sakura outlet for my bro's 21st bday dinner.
Loves.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
just finish my duck noodles....yucky...
been running errands at the office after this afternoon.
busy is the word....
still got so many work that i dun wanna do and i still havent pack my luggage!!!
gotta settle the luggage by tonight, tmr night i am gonna have lessons again...
boring...
i cant feel at ease when i go bangkok cos there will be a protest/riot on saturday....
urgh...neither this or that...
kinda pissed with my hair, it's quite long and my stupid clip is not cooperating with the hair, but i dun dare to try to cut it short, i cant decide between that stupid rebon or perm... urgh.., i should just leave it alone, shouldnt i?
urgh, sleepy~~~
slept at like 5, 5+ in the morning, and alarm rang off at 830am.
cant take it, rescheduled the alarm at 950am
up, ... and off to clementi central to pay HDB.
and i was so tempted to buy~~~ macs breakfast...
but after the whole thing, i didnt! cos my brother is sick, and i thought it would be nice that i dun eat good food in front of him...muahaha. :(
so in the end, finally randomly made up my mind to get duck porridge for him and duck noodles for mummy and me.
and note, the porridge and noodles, come from two different duck stores..
wheeeee...
and i had to stand right in front of the macs for 5 mins to wait for my bus..
i managed to be firm not to buy milk tea or milkshake even though i was like so thirsty and feeling sooo warm with this kinda weather.
so i tweeted in front of macs while the bus came.
this message above is just to show how bored but sleepy i am, after i got back home, feeling so warm and lazy to switch on the aircon again and get back to sleep.
at the end of MSND Act One.
my favourite quotes:
- Things base and vile, holding no quantity, Love can transpose to form and dignity.
- The course of true love never did run smooth;
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
went to work today. met some 'brothers' and have been dizzy and nauseous since then.
it was one of the few times i've been so affected by it. lalala.............................................
sometimes, the responsibility to be told a secret to is too big for oneself to be able to take.
this quote has been coming back to me recently,
the course of true love never did run smooth. - A MidSummer Night's Dream, Shakespeare.
im gonna read the book again now. :D
Monday, September 14, 2009
sept 14.
the 17th time im going through this day.
thanks erynne ;D, the first to sms me at 12 sharp, and eliza who also msn-ed me when she reached home after a very tiring day working and wishing me a big happy bday.
i thank the others who gave me well wishes through Facebook.
managed to sleep till 2pm. feeling a little recharged.
then off to tiongbahruplaza for a short kaikai before the family meets up for dinner at Rajah Inn.
this blur sotong charmaine is just so funny today, haha. we'll meet up after i get back in town and go eat tybm and go bowling ok? as well as to gossip, teehee...
i will be flying to bangkok this friday, and will be back on the 22nd? my bro will be spending his 21st bday on the 21st there. i just hope he stops nagging when we happen to drink over there.
and before i leave, i so hope my debit card comes so that i can sign when i go shopping over there.
i cried once tonight.
killingg that stretch(& ONGOING) of fucking ants sucks big time!!!...
URGH!! they are freaking hell moving into my house!!!
of all the apartments of the same level, why choose mine???
imagine the stretch of ants about half way through your house and they are moving along the common corridor outside, from the stairs. those big black ants are forming an almost obvious BLACK line.
URGH!!!!!!!!!!! im getting super choked with the insecticide smell.
anyway, have been in the office all day EVERY SINGLE DAY, with nothing to do. feel so bored.
come BUG AND BOTHER me people!(btw, sometimes i appear offline to hide from people, im kind and i dun wanna block them you see... :P)
time in hours and seconds have been passing slowly, but time in days have been passing so fast.
i had the chance to read through my whole diary today.
from waiting of my o level results, till posting results, till spending the whole feb in china, till busy with work and admission to RP, till start of school, till good times with classmates, till wonderful parts of july and august, till end of UT3s, till now, nine months. it all seemed like yesterdays.
i had a lot of emotions running through me when i read through the diary, im glad that i was strong, for myself.
when i finally turn 17 at 2.20pm today, i will find myself with nothing much change, still not living life for myself.
another thing, i've never like celebrating my birthdays.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
i took the chance to talk to my mum over dinner.
i guess im probably BACK in this RP game.
is this a good or bad news?
i hate how this feels...
funny it seems, it feels like im having an affair.
to me, you and her are not my friends of the day, it's friends for life, if not years.
im beginning to lose faith in this friendship. i dont want to.
Friday, September 11, 2009
i'd rather deceive myself.
fuck you. just fuck you....
i really see no meaning, tolerating everything on this fucking world....
i cant even fucking tolerate myself....
screw photoshop, screw Windows OS, screw Acer..............
i cant continue, i really cant continue anymore.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
nothing feels the same now...
nothing feels right now...
nothing feels okay when i cannot bitch openly with you two.
nothing can make me feel anything now...
nothing beats the memories we share...
nothing hurts me the most when i have to know that we can only have memories and nothing else...
nothing can make me happy now...
i dont care how many times i've said this, i dont care how you understand and do not want me to say, I am sorry that things have turned up this way. I am sorry to the two of you.
it has been hard for me to not mention/think about you two when i see/talk about things like McDonald's, my iPod, nail polish, people's dressing sense, etc... it's just so weird to not tag you two in my fb note (please do it)...
i want to wish you the best as you work for these few days so much.
i want to chat with you and know how are you since i have not talked to you after the incident so much.
10) i miss you too.
JUDGE.
JUDGE.
i cannot judge how you judge your interpretation to be correct of this word because i dont even dare to use the word.
how dare you judge me? how could you know anything about me? how could you possibly know anything about them?
i have no mood, nothing at all to update. now, it made feel more to want to hide myself in a box and not open up.
i wanna f her too...but im stuck in the middle... i cant do anything now can i?
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
in, out, up, down....in wadeva directions you want.
the funniest questions are abt the relationship. gd it just cant get off my head.. haha...
i think i have to remember this day? it does and doesnt serve a purpose of keeping this in memory you know.
argh...
all i know is im drained off of everything energy i have after insufficient sleep and mood swings and travel here and there from the start of the day,and im torn apart, with very, very tired eyes now and very very throbbing headache.
sorry anyone to wadeva things/changes that has happened today.
i mean it.
sorry that eliza cant reach me on phone the whole day for an answer.
just a really short one...im really fucking tired..
today, i had a real great, fun, nice day. all thanks to eliza&liwen, erynne and whoever else that made today happen!
i really really appreciate it and i really really thank you all.
thank you for the treats and the humongous biggest card i've ever received and the tissue flower.
thank you for making the MFM people sing the birthday song so loudly. lol
LOVES.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
random rants.
(not a rant but)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOLIN!
- im totally PMS-ing now, im grumpy and annoyed, the minute, ...ok, still grumpy and annoyed.
- so what if i have a gold watch, you dun like it? GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY SIGHT.
- i cant even sleep in on a perfect sunday.
- so you tell me, when is the perfect time to chat on the phone with my friends, if all day long, im trying to entertain you, and when you dont allow me to talk to them in the wee hours when we're some kinda fine with it?
- no, i shouldn't stop thinking abt my friends, i should stop thinking abt my family.
- i should prepare to provide for myself when the day has come.
- i should just lock myself, in a box, in total darkness, with no airflow.
- IM STILL FEELING VERY GRUMPY AND ANNOYED.
Yes, I know what I have lost, I really lost myself.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
back from KL last night, though the plane was delayed an hour. had been real busy, managed to get some shopping done at the airport anyway...
have not been updating cos i have been playing games...haha...thanks to sabby who introduced me them. so stuck at it now, leading me to insufficient sleep as well.
woke at 4pm today and went back to the office. boring dude.and im feeling quite grumpy cos my period is late, and i freaking hell look like im pregnant. I NEEDA EXERCISE!!!
im gonna go back to my game now~~~~...
(PS. cant wait to meet eliza and erynne on monday!)
