just fuck my life.

was asked to update blog by mei nu...

cool, raining again, heavily...

im so screwing myself...

ok, im fucking bored and tired. but i cant get to sleep...

time flies.

so ytd was the last day of school...woke up, woke the chiobu up...

sorry that i cried. it just had to hit me hard today. i couldnt hold back anymore, but i did try my best to control myself to not to cry in public anymore.

the way to start the week? to put on masks and act like nothing has happened.
what comes out of it? nothing but acts and lies.
at abt 845am, made the decision to partial...just 15mins into the lesson today and that's it...
i feel that im so pathetic, so pathetic.

was it a mistake to not cut deeper two years ago? was it a mistake to run away from everything and end up having such a fucked up life now? was it a mistake to take everything the way it comes and not question it even if it was wrong?

i have so many questions in my head running... everything that is driving me to a dead end now, was everything that made me survive through the years.

im a bird without legs, not about having freedom, but about no legs to land on safety; grounds. so i have to fly hopelessly, no matter how tired i am, so that things can still fall on me. when i dive down, i dive down straight, into the ground.

if you cant stand me, do me a favour, help me get yourself the fuck out of my life. it wasnt my choice to be in yours too.

so,after the talk, bus-ed to woodlands mart. the stupid atm machine there is also not working....anyway, ate macdonalds. erynne babe accompanied me to the dentist who i want to kill now, and, she chose PINK for my bands. so, im officially pink-ed. then walked her home, and bus-ed home...
very tired, sleepy sleepy... RJ-ed, bathed, napped, chatted, blablabla, now sleep....so tired!!!!!!!!!
why am i so tired???

So today woke up late haha, Erynne chio was earlier, rather rare eh. Anyway maths was as usual give the i-dont-understand-care face. First break was at haven, the food tasted like total shit. Couldn't even finish like1/4 of it. Class after that.. one hour of boredom and break 2 was about 'knowing my own school'.lol. Practically went haven for waffles, Atm to withdraw but no money inside the machine(how ironic lol .__.), south canteen, koufu and lastly the library. We actually found some spots that couples can make out HAHA. :P

Half of the class went off after 2nd break so it was left with 2 group. Damn nianoya(no idea what this is,lol) Khairul joined our group and lead to group discommunications. The faci asked a tad too much questions, everyone couldn't think but gave the shot anyway cos it was the last lesson for maths. :D Finished earlier than we thought it would be, before 3pm. Slacked with the rest, sing Celine Dion- My heart will go on HAHA cheryl can really sing can. Eliza, we should go kbox next time with our xiao meimei okay? HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

Oh yes, this talk is so redundant,might as well don't think to go. But for the sake ofCE points...

Cheryl put on P.I.N.K braces bands okay later? :D Luvv luvv.

ERYNNE OUT.

so it's either im really sick or not paying attention......

why wont my fucking sickness just kill me?

sick~~~~

sicky sick...medicine medicine...

so apparently, no car wanted to bang me. therefore, im here to update my blog.

Hi, how should I address you? Erm ok, hi my first and only ex, happy
birthday. I was actually hesitating to reply when you msned me last
night at 3.55am. So, we talked, till 5am. Having some things sorted
out, I'm very glad. I think some of the funniest things is that it was
good that we forgotten most of the things. Another is that we were
confused whether it was four, five, or six years ago. Sorry I couldn't
remember much. And so much abt our only two pictures together. I
thought this talk was good, though I've been stuffing alot of 'haha's
to fill in the blanks. I mean, we have never been really talking for
this long. Throughout this draggy 'painstaking' four five years of
relationship, never once right? Life's great, alright. It would really
be great for both of us to let everything go. Haha.

:D, Cheryl.
(ps. I purposely kept a record of our chat last night to refer if
need. )

i think im really shocking myself, seriously.

JUST ONE MORE FUCKING SHIT AND IM RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME.

what a night to laugh and smile nonstop, to a freaking screen that is...

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
(i dun agree with education part though)

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

i really wanna let everything out here, but i dont know wad's holding me back.

Your Result: You are the ultimate cryer

You cry for every reason. You are a weekling. You are extremely easy to hurt and cry about everything. It's a good thing to cry, but if you cry too much you're eyes will hurt. You should probably not cry so much, but dont hide your feelings either, just dont be so dramatic. It causes people to either feel sorry for you or create harsh thoughs about you. So, try to cry a little less and let out your feelings at the same time.

today cognitive was slacky.....super slacky....
eriani and i, or maybe just myself, were facebooking all day...
went to foodhaven for breakfast today...had chicken macaroni cos they had no bubur or however eriani babe spells it...but she whine whine whine abt how bad the food was and HOW HER APPETITE WAS RUINED and played with it. like i didnt feel sick finishing my own share of macaroni. she got her retribution anyway, had spilled root beer over herself. and so, i started nagging at her...haha...GO AND EAT.

so fuckedup today.....just f this emo shit....the way to get it out of my life is that i should just go jump down....
seriously, if i one day cant take it and i jump, i apologise to my friends and family here first...
sorry that you guys have to go through this f-ing shit life with me and stuff. i just dun wanna share, dun want anything....i cant even fucking hell cry to anyone. fuck this 16 years of life man. im just so f-ing lost....

today left with house with eriani babe's balloon hitting my head like wad....met eliza who purposely be early at school to be earlier than eriani....so went into class like nobody's business like that....
then eriani pop into the class just when i wanted to stand next at the door and gave me a big shock.
so passed her the balloon and her card....hehe....then gossip gossip with eliza....first break foodhaven with them and just this f-ing emo thing struck again....then after school went to flyer to treat eriani babe Popeye with eliza...i like totally dunno where the hell we were can....after eating went back to marina square to play arcade...both of them with their guitar, drums and their parapara....then after that, took 960....eriani and i blasted what i had on my ipod and it was just totally fun....fast,oldies,fast,oldies....all the way....and so eliza dropped at her place and i acc eriani back to woodlands...we just had this crazy sing-along and that f-ing song just made me wanna cry...reached woodlands...i lazy to take bus so i took train home...homed....settled down....continued nagging at eriani...
*do RJ do RJ do RJ.....stop fb-ing.....dun care photos....hahahah....*
did RJ and started FB-ing...eriani, you just have to 'hurt' me again... :(
now cant get to sleep, while my siblings has gone to fetch my mum from the airport.
end of life....and of wallet.

and also just wanna say thanks to both eliza and eriani for like 'bringing me out these days and open the big world to me' haha....xiaomeimei yong yuan ai ni men....i really had fun and really hope we keep in contact after we split class... :)... LOVES.

hurt so bad; why?

bye.

1337hrs- still not feeling better.

happy erynne day. loves you.

this week, is so crazy...monday, mama flew off and will only come back on thursday.
monday, i didnt wake up to go school...in the afternoon, was 'made' to meet eriani and eliza and go to NYP macs, all the way from clementi.
then, tuesday went to school.went to timah to acc eliza to alterher pants. dragged eriani along.
went to eat prata, and played pool. pool, my first time really playing pool, not to say legally. really first time. damn cool man. after collecting pants, eliza went home and i sent eriani back to woodlands. haha...she super lucky man. spent only one bus fare, got free prata, got free pool to play, and a free ride home. haha...
*and thanks for acting as my support so i wont fall down. XD*
i didnt need another performance in the bus.
*and you will be the first to know when i turn into a guy ok*
and i bus-ed to clementi central and went kaikai for a while.
wednesday(today)-i did NOT plan to skip school today. i had three alarms, and my sister waking me up, but i just went back to sleep....sorry eliza, that 'i MIA-ed from you.' haha...
woke up, lunched, and went to cut hair. said byebye to my thick hair...then went to bpp to buy dinner. wrong timingly, i went all the way back home to deliver dinner and grab some colour pen and went all the way back to bpp to meet eliza. settled down at macs and i ate d. cheeseburger while she ate alot of shaker fries. called eriani babe and tricked her saying that we were at woodlands and would drop by her place to meet her.
in the end, it was proven that eriani is very gulli...i mean very simple-minded. right babe?
so i went home...hopped on to my sis bf car at the entrance of the carpark and back home...
settled down and tv-ed...and eriani babe laughed when i asked her that she trust eliza or my chinese. wished her happy birthday and got ready for bed...wad im waiting now, is to finish translating for dear eliza and pack bag and sleep. haha

hi 'stranger', thanks for correcting me the correct number of years we were at on my July18th post.
thanks for still being able to remember this freako that has appeared in your life.
so anyway, if you are still waiting for the acceptance of request in Facebook, please continue waiting. Let me think about it. You may be able to view some of my profile through your friend CSX, whom i dunno why i added her for.

FUCK YOU LA ACER. FUCKING GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE.